The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Mark Manson

An introspective book! The 'psychological epidemic' talks about how people are hung up over everything, including the little ones that don't really matter. I'm not a perfectionist, but sometimes I, too, struggle to understand what to prioritise, simply because I didn't think about what truly matters. Perhaps, in today's society, we easily see news articles and posts of success stories and so we tend to compare ourselves to others. Manson calls this "The Tyranny of Exceptionalism". Further, we are living in a society where we are perhaps too afraid of hurting others, which paint a false picture of reality, that it's normal to not get hurt. But it is.

Content: Manson split the key takeaways into different chapters to make it easier for readers to follow and digest. Some things he wrote about include constantly having to make decisions in life, and that people need to be less afraid of failing and just go for it, because failure is also part of the process. Otherwise, we'll just be stuck and not moving, which is probably worse than failing.

Estimated reading time needed: 3h

Key takeaways: 

1) Conventional life advice fixates on our shortcomings, what we lack, which reinforces our ideas that we're just not good enough. Manson gave the example 'no truly happy person feels the need to stand in front of a mirror and recite that she's happy. She just is'. 

2) "The key to a good life is giving a fuck about less, about only what is true and immediate and important". What is it that truly matters? For example, receiving a wrong order at dinner or spending time with the people around you? Choose your worries and problems, not fixate on all of them.

3) "The backwards law" as told by philosopher Alan Watts says that the more we want positives, the worse we will feel, whereas if we accept the negatives, we feel more positive. 

4) "To not give a fuck is to stare down at life's most terrifying and difficult challenges and still take action". The same can be said for not caring about pissing people off to do what you feel is right.

5) If too many trivial things bother you, you probably don't have more important things going on in your life.

6) Everybody wants good things in life, but many are not willing to suffer for it. Manson then asks an intriguing question: "What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?" The key lies in the process - learn to enjoy it.

7) Choose the right metric to base your life on, by understanding what really matters to you. If you want to change how you see your problems, change your values or metrics.

Recommendation: I really liked the storyline. Manson started off by saying we have to be honest with ourselves, dig deep to understand and find out what we want, and then cater our limited energy and time for them. I would have liked it better if he dove a bit deeper into the 'psychological epidemic' we face today, to expand more about the context of this book. But that's not the point of this book so that's okay. Overall, this book does provide fair, logical points that I think many people would probably need to hear (like being honest with ourselves), even if they don't like it. Manson says to think about this book as a 'guide to suffering and how to do it better, more meaningfully, with more compassion and more humility'. Good book to read in a short few hours!

Twenty-One Years Young: Essays by Amy Dong

Since I was young, I've never truly understood the essence of stories. Recently, I've gained an appreciation for stories and personal essay writing. "The hallmark of the personal essay is its intimacy - its ability to embrace and question all that makes us who and why we are without ever professing to find the answer" - Amy's takeaway from essayist Phillip Lopate. After reading Amy's book, I understand why.

Content: This book is really just a compilation of different essays that Amy wrote based on her own life experiences, from her reflections on going to NYU instead of Harvard, to getting robbed multiple times while travelling. It is truly incredible how Amy managed to invoke images and emotions through the words on the pages, by allowing glimpses of her thoughts and reflections as she grew up. Short essays, big impact and really fantastic learnings for everybody!

Estimated reading time needed: 3h

Key takeaways: 

1) With books, there are no forced conversations, expectations or unwanted transactions - you could take whatever you choose away from it. Personally, books are an escape from reality, because it takes me into another realm, into someone else's thoughts, through which I can learn and grow to become a better person. What do you do with books?

2) "Perfect days make for terrible stories, and vice versa". 

3) "What kind of dream forces you to leave behind your own family?" This reminds me of the book "Put your dream to the test" that I read a few months ago, written by John Maxwell. Maxwell stated that dreams come with sacrifices, but the one thing he kept emphasising on was the importance of his family. Not all family is perfect, however, but perhaps everyone has something/someone important to them.

4) "College has taught me that saying no is harder than saying yes, that books teach more than classes do, that travelling reminds me I am less important than I think I am". What does education mean to you? Is it about classroom learning, or something else like exploration and finding what you enjoy doing, creating the person you want to be?

5) There's a quote I saw somewhere, saying "if you want to understand yourself, write". Amy did this exceptionally well, and wrote about herself as she grew up, keeping a recollection of the person she was. Sometimes we are so focused on the people we want to be that we forget the people we used to be, and writing helps keep our past selves alive.

6) Today will always be the youngest day in the rest of your life. What would you do with it?

7) Do not be so focused on chasing what you want, that you lose what's truly important to you. 

8) "The most unexpected and difficult moments in life are the ones that shape it".

Recommendation: Needless to say, Amy's book was transformational, and it truly embedded the value of stories. What's even more impressive is the ability to convey the stories to others in a way that invokes feelings like happiness, guilt, love, and inspiration in others. Although I've been writing book reviews, I've been wanting to start writing stories of my own, and this book was what I needed. Interesting stories chuck full of learnings, I highly highly recommend anyone to read it! Amy wrote this when she was 21 a year ago, I'm extremely excited to see what other stories she will publish during her defining 20s.

The 360 Degree Leader - John C. Maxwell

Leaders are everywhere. They're people we look up to and who we aspire to be. This book talks about the importance of leaders, how leaders lead in every direction and bring value to the people around them. 

Content: Maxwell wrote about how leaders are important for any organisation, and how anybody can be a leader. The focus isn't about being a positional leader, leading the people under you. Rather, it is about how you can influence the people under, above and beside you - the true hallmark of a leader is influence. Would people follow you?

Estimated reading time needed: 10h

Key takeaways: 

1) Strive to be the top of your game, not the top of the organisation. People have this misconception that becoming the CEO, president or "top-dog" at the organisation is the essence of leadership. However, Maxwell recognises the importance of leadership from every position in the organisation, and people should focus on what they do best to bring the greatest value. 

2) If we focus on being somewhere else because we think it's better, we will neither enjoy where we are nor do what we must to succeed. As the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side. Rather than jumping to the other side, water your own side and flourish, because if you don't know how to water the greens on your end, the greens will fade even if you jump to the other side. Focus on where you are, do what you must, and succeed.

3) To be a leader, first lead yourself - if you wouldn't follow yourself, why would others? This is perhaps my favourite takeaway from this book. Whatever outcome you wish to achieve starts from within. Imagine the perfect leader. Now imagine you're the perfect leader. Be that person!

4) Value yourself and value your time. Time is the only thing we can never get back once it's spent. 

5) Do not get sucked into busyness without thinking. We need to stop here and there to take a step back, make sure we're on the right track, and prepare and plan for the future. 

6) As Zig Ziglar said, there are no jams on the extra mile. Many people get motivated to start working hard, but fall through because of a lack of discipline or commitment. Go the distance, do more than what is needed.

7) The key to personal development is to be more growth-oriented than goal-oriented. As someone who enjoys growth, I think this might be the key to sustainable development, as it allows us to go for goal after goal.

8) As Ben Franklin said, do not be afraid of moving too slowly. Be afraid of standing still. Sometimes when we stand still, we're actually going backwards. However, we do need to take a break here and there!

9) Focus on current responsibilities rather than the ones you wish to have. As Maxwell wrote, "I've never known someone focused on yesterday for a better tomorrow". 

Recommendation: This book is chock full of great information and key takeaways. One point to note is that Maxwell highlighted multiple times in the book to lift people up and you'll be recognised. However, I'm not sure if this entirely reflects the current state of organisations, and hoped that he would've addressed it in more detail. Nevertheless, it's still a great book on leadership, not just value-adding to the people around you, but leading yourself to becoming someone of value to yourself.  

Who Moved My Cheese - Dr Spencer Johnson

Change. A word that people either dread or look forward to. Most people probably know that change is necessary and constant. So how do people react to change?

Content: This short story is basically talking about 4 mice trapped in a maze and look for cheese to make them happy. This mirrors the nature of humans as well - when faced with uncertainty, people are afraid of what's "out there". Read this book to  learn more about how some mice successfully navigate change and how some didn't.

Estimated reading time needed: <1h

Key takeaways: 
1) When going through change and uncertainty, we should think about what we could gain and not what we were losing. Who knows, things might turn out for the better.

2) "What you're afraid of is never as bad as you imagine", which reminds me of the saying that nothing is as bad as it seems. 

3) Nothing gets better until we change - we are our own limits of change. We need to get out there, past our fears which could be irrational. 

4) Recognise that change happens whether we like it or not, so we should anticipate change, prepare for it, and adapt quickly.

Recommendation: As a change management consultant, I was amazed at how such a simple story (of mice chasing cheese) could reflect the interactions between people and their environment. The cheese could be anything we deem it to be - money, fame, career, relationships etc. We need to understand that change is inevitable. The kind of change that happens could be different  as well. For example, when we say we want our relationships to change, it doesn't mean we want to change the person - it could mean we want to change who we are in that relationship. Change comes from within. Which mice do you want to be? Less than an hour of reading for so many insights. Loved it, and do give it a read!

Atomic Habits - James Clear

Amazing. If I had to choose only 1 book to read for the summer, it would be this one. I've never read a book where I literally wanted to bookmark almost every page. 

Content: This book talks about habits - how we can start good habits and kick bad ones. For example, to build better habits, Clear talked about making it obvious so that we can remember to do it, making it attractive to make us want to do it, make it easy to lower the resistance/procrastination, and to make it satisfying so that we want to do it again. Conversely, by flipping it around, we find that it helps us to stop bad habits - by making them obscure, unattractive, difficult to do and unsatisfying.

Estimated reading time needed: 5h

Key takeaways: 
1) The power of compounding doesn't apply only to finance. It applies to everything we do. By repeating 1% errors day after day, making poor decisions, duplicating mistakes, rationalising excuses, it compounds into toxic results. On the other hand, if we improve 1% each day, we will get a significant increase when we put them together.

2) Progress is not linear. We may think that we should be getting better at what we do each day, and habits may seem to make no difference until we cross "a critical threshold and unlock a new level of performance". We will encounter many "Valley of Disappointments". However, progress is a long-term thing, and we should always "zoom out" to look at our progress and push on.

3) "Goals are good for setting direction, but systems are best for making progress". A peculiar statement Clear made was that winners and losers have the same goals. We need to change our system, our processes that can enable us to get to the results we want. We need to fix the inputs and the outputs will fix themselves. 

4) The 3 levels of change we need to unravel as we think about our habits. Once we've decided about the habits we want to build/stop, we need to change our outcomes - what do we want to achieve at the end of the day? Second, change our process - what in our daily lives should we change, or what am I doing that could better help me attain the goals I want? Third, change our identity - our beliefs, assumptions and biases. This is the core and possibly the hardest level. However, once we can achieve this, the habits we set out to do for reasons we have are now a part of us. To help visualise this, let's say you want to be good at playing the piano. You start to practice everyday (habit), tweak your methods of practising (process), and ultimately you start to become a pianist (identity). 

5) The costs of your good habits are paid now. But the costs of your bad habits are paid in the future.

6) This process is continuous. We never stop creating who we are - we never stop making decisions that shape our identity. There is no end and no permanent solution. 

Recommendation: Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and will definitely be reading it once a year as a reminder to making sure that my daily habits are true to my identity. Clear and concise - this book spares no extra words. If you truly want to change yourself, read this book and start changing yourself through small wins. A must-read for everybody!

Limitless - Jim Kwik

Sometimes, you want to do something, and yet you can't. As long as it's within your control, this book will help you get it.

Content: Kwik understood what exactly it means to fail, and why people fail. By diving deep into those reasons, we can begin to unravel the pathway to success. Several factors impede our path to achieving what we want, and they were clearly spelled out in the book. For example, how to read quickly, how to achieve the state of flow to improve your productivity, and the 8 forms of intelligence.

Estimated reading time needed: 6-7h

Key takeaways: 
1) You make mistakes, mistakes don't make you. This is an extremely important piece of advice that anyone can receive. The only failure there is is the failure to learn.

2)  The very famous Golden Circle by Simon Sinek has one crucial word in the bullseye - why. It's used everywhere. If you want to truly exceed your current self and sustain this path of improvement, your why must be strong.

3) "I am" are the 2 most powerful words in the English language.  Kwik says that what you say after these 2 words defines your fate. Who do you want to be?

4) Only 3 things can change a person's behaviour over the long run - an epiphany, changing your environment and "taking baby steps". I can't pin which book I saw this quote "we are the sum  of all choices we make", but it's a similar concept. Slowly, as we change our choices, day by day you'll end up becoming someone else. Make the right choice from TODAY.

Recommendation: This book is slightly too long - there were some points I feel that the author tried to overcomplicate things. Nonetheless, the book is still a great one to read, especially if you feel like you are stuck somewhere. It isn't a be-all-end-all kind of tool to help you move forward in life, but it gives you a perspective that you might have never thought about before. With Kwik's personal background, it would probably inspire you to be limitless in your own right as well. Do give it a read!

The Psychology of Money - Morgan Housel

People overreact when they fail because they forget how normal it is to fail. 

Housel wrote this book with the audience in mind - people who want to know about money, and the minds of people when it comes to money. He understood that people didn't want to read hundreds of pages for a single point, so he condensed what he knew into many short points.

Content: Housel provided multiple digestible points about how people treated money, how they acted when it comes to money and how they thought about money. There are so many learning points in this book that it's hard to pick and choose which are most important.

Estimated reading time needed: 10h

Key takeaways: 
1) Our personal experiences with money make up a tiny tiny fraction of what's happened in the world, but make up the bulk of how we believe the world works. Most of what we know are thus extremely little, and our perception of what is "supposed to be" and what isn't will be very different with that of others. 

2)  What we focus on are usually the "tails" (think of a normal distribution curve). These tail events, although extremely unlikely, are more focused on in the world. Housel opined that "the more extreme the outcome, the less likely you can apply its lessons to your own life, because the more likely the outcome was influenced by extreme ends of luck or risk". Whether you agree with luck/risk or not, we have to recognise that most of the people we've heard of on the news are the tail ends (Bezos, Gates etc). In essence, pay attention to broader patterns rather than individuals.

3) Enough - how much money we want to have, how much money we need to have the life we want. All these differ depending on the individual. Housel pointed out that if our expectations rise with results, it doesn't make sense to strive for more because we will constantly feel disappointed by this gap in between. 

4) Happiness is just results minus expectations.

5) Progress happens too slowly to notice, but setbacks happen too quickly to ignore.

6) Having a margin of safety lets you live happily with a range of outcomes.

7) In a book "30 Lessons for Living" by Karl Pillemer, a thousand elderly Americans were interviewed on the most important lessons in life. None of them said to work hard to make more money, or to be as wealthy as others, or to choose a career based on how much money you want to make.

8) Controlling your time is the highest dividend money pays.

Recommendation: As a finance student, this book spoke to me deeply and made me reflect on what wealth means to me. Without a doubt some people might think that money is extremely important to them (it is to me as well), to each their own. There is no right or wrong when it comes to money, it's just a matter of preference, and everybody plays a different game. People born in 1920 think the stock market is a terrible game to play, but people born in 1990 will think the stock market is an easy game to play. A great book on money, good read!